Do you like drugs? Hate horses? Do you enjoy watching people in pain? Ever wondered what it’s like to be sown inside a dead animal? If you answered yes to all or some or none of these questions, Horsey Ashes is the web novel for you!
Horsey Ashes is a serialized web novel written in the way of Victorian-age authors like Charles Dickens, with each installment published biweekly in bite-sized morsels. Imagine your favorite manga or serialized television show. Now imagine that same media, except expressed in words, online, posted twice every week, and worse.
The story gets graphic, violent, and not-child-friendly. Reader discretion is advised.
Synopsis: Brad Wu was just another boring schmuck like you and me until the fateful day he met his pet horse Betsy. The horse’s speedy demise and cremation will lead Brad down a highly unlikely path full of cultists, slavers, alien gods, and abnormally terrible luck. But it seems that the horse isn’t ready to be killed off just yet, as a strange twist of events has Brad accidentally inhaling the beast’s ashes. Turns out that horse ashes bestow incredible strength, speed, regenerative powers, and the ability to speak to ghosts. For a little while, at least. Follow him and his bizarre gang as they journey across Canada to the fabled city of Calgary in pursuit of fame, followers, and freedom. There’s no way this story ends well.
Critics Love Horsey Ashes
“We hate Horsey Ashes.”
-International Union of Literary Critics
“This ‘novel’ is an affront to America and humankind as a whole. If I were president, I’d outlaw public readings of Horsey Ashes as a war crime. Free speech was a mistake.”
“Horsey Ashes is a fucking travesty of a novel. Just a giant, shit-caked, rotten, fucking dumpster fire of a novel. I could not name a shittier novel. How could anyone suck so much at writing.”
“I didn’t think it was too bad.”
“Horsey Ashes is the worst thing that’s happened to me. It dropped my IQ by ten points, gave me genital warts, broke up my marriage, raped my cat, and brought drought to the Nile. The author should be dragged into the street and shot like the dog he is.